Our Stupid New Future — Saudi Arabia and Digital Drugs

by Olivia Smith

All else is turning digital. Why not drugs?

The Saudi and Lebanese governments are taking stands against “binaural beats.” Government agencies are holding emergency meetings to outlaw the laziest subgenre of electronic music.

Binaural beats are two tones that create a third tone when combined. These governments believe advertisements that such combinations make listeners high. Companies like iDoser claim binaural beats can re-synchronize your brain waves like they’re reacting to different drugs, including marijuana, cocaine, opium, and peyote.

I claim a statement like that makes it pretty clear iDoser has never even used a brain. Never you mind that the scientific community agrees with me and has dismissed iDoser’s claims, the United Arab Emirates already outlawed this form of “music” in 2012.

Claims like that make iDoser money, curiosity (and stories like these) create new customers, and the placebo effect keeps customers coming back. And fundamentalist nations like to have panicky meetings about who can jump the highest at shadows. They’re like liberals that way.

[Editor’s Note: Knowing Olivia’s politics, this confused me. In Australia, liberals are conservatives. Remember, everything’s upside-down down there.]

If you happen to be a Tibetan throat-singer, give this area of the world a wide berth. As for me, I’m downloading Brian Eno and printing Magic Eye pictures. I’m a plane trip away from making my fortune!

If the authorities ever close in on me, I’ll just break out the brown note.